


how'd we drift so far away

by iamalystark



Series: until the stars fall away, stay with me [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Army, Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Natasha Romanov Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Natasha Romanov Feels, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Peter Parker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:40:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26125123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamalystark/pseuds/iamalystark
Summary: Fifteen years ago, Tony Stark left Natasha Romanoff to join the army. He broke her heart, and the woman never expected to see him again. But when her brother, Bucky, invited her to a small reunion, she should've know better than to assume he wouldn't be there.(Or, the one where Tony left Nat fresh out of high school and has no idea that he has a son with her)
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Natasha Romanov & Avengers Team, Natasha Romanov/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov
Series: until the stars fall away, stay with me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1896946
Comments: 24
Kudos: 159





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i planned this at 2am the other night, don't blame me. and yes, i know i haven't updated the mob au, but to be fair, there was a land hurricane and the power was out (for a week) and i was breaking and moving trees (also for a week). also i procrastinated a bit😅

People come and people go. Life goes on. Or at least, that's what Natasha Romanoff had been telling herself for the past fifteen years. And it's what she thought as she tapped her fingers against the wheel of the dark red Audi she'd had since she was fresh out of high school. 

Her brother had called her hours ago and had begged her to come, but even though she had agreed, even though she was parked in front of his house for the first time in years, she wasn't quite able to make herself go inside. 

All her friends would be there soon, all the people she hadn't seen since she'd left New York all those years ago, and she was terrified. She was terrified that they wouldn't forgive her for walking out, that they wouldn't understand. 

Her frown deepened as she continued to stare at his house, a small sigh escaping her, and a small knock suddenly sounded at the car window. 

Natasha yelped, her shock pulling her from her thoughts as she turned, her eyes landing on an oh so familiar brunet. "Bucky." She sighed out, smiling despite her anxieties, and she opened the door, climbing out of her car.

"Hey Tasha. Long time, no see." The man greeted, flashing an awkward smile as he met her eyes. 

Nat couldn't help the sad smile that took over her face, and she threw her arms around his neck. "God, I've missed you." 

His arms tightened around her, and he let out a small huff before pulling away. "Then you should've done something about it, bitch." He grumbled. 

"Ass." She shot right back, feeling like she'd never left for just a moment. 

Bucky shoved his hands in his pockets then, shifting from one foot to another, and glanced towards his house. 

"Bruce, Clint, and Thor are here already. Steve and his friends will be back soon. You gonna come in?" Her brother informed her, looking hopeful, and she knew she could never deny him, not now. 

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm coming in."

The walk up to the door was one of the most awkward things she'd ever had to endure, and that was saying something. When they stepped inside, her ears were immediately bragged by the loud voice of who she knew was Thor, explaining something to Bruce and Clint. 

"-and then we see him! Keep in mind, we all thought he was dead, but there he is, walking toward us from behind enemy lines, and he's got scrap metal wrapped around himself!" The large blond thundered, and Nat's brows furrowed in amused confusion. 

"You talking about Iron Man?" Bucky drawled, sounding as amused as Thor looked.

"Damn right I am! We all called him Iron Man from then on out." 

Natasha had a small moment to wonder who that was before the other finally caught sight of her. "Natasha!" That was Clint, jumping up with wide, delight filled eyes. "I didn't know you were coming!" 

He ran over to envelop her in a tight hug, before pulling back and asking with a smile, "How's P-?"

She shut him down with a single look, and he balked, stepping back while mouthing an apology. 

"Natasha Romanoff. It has been way too long." Thor called, stepping forward to clap his hand on her shoulder. 

"It's good to see you, Thor." Nat smiled widely. It was weird smiling this much. Within a moment, Thor had picked her up in a large hug, squeezed her so tight she thought she'd explode, and then set her back down again. 

She didn't even have time to take a breath before Bruce was shyly greeting her, a smile on his face as he pushed his glasses up his nose. "Hey Banner. How's doctor life treating you?" 

"You know I'm not that kind of doctor, Natasha." He sighed out, and right then, she felt at home. 

More at home than she had in a long time. She'd missed them, all of them. Well, not Clint. She saw the man often enough. But the others, God, it had been years. 

"So, how are you, Tasha?" Bucky began, leaning against his wall. "It's been, what, five years since I last saw you?" 

She winced at the reminder, glancing at his gleaming metal arm. When she'd heard about the accident, she hadn't cared how long she'd been gone, she'd been by his side in an instant. 

And then once she was sure he was okay, she was gone again. The redhead wondered if that's how this was going to go. If she was going to say hi to everyone and then disappear again. 

"I'm fine." She finally told them, and before anyone could press, multiple car doors slamming outside drew everyone's attention. 

"Looks like your boyfriend's home." Clint teased, nudging Bucky with his elbow, as said man rolled his eyes but smiled in excitement. 

Loud chattering trailed up towards the house, and just like she remembered of him, Steve opened the door without knocking and strolled right in. 

The room burst into cheers right then, Steve crossing the threshold in record time to plant a kiss on Bucky's lips, and two brunette women Nat didn't recognize were watching the scene with amused grins, along with a familiar man she recognized as Sam Wilson.

They wore army uniforms like Steve though, so it wasn't hard to imagine where he knew them from. Looking past her, there was one more person who'd entered, and instead of the unfamiliar soldier she'd been expecting, she stared right into the eyes of the man who had broken her heart when she was eighteen. 

And her thoughts screeched to a halt. She'd had no idea he would be here. If she had, she never would have come. 

"N-Natasha?" Stuttered the one and only Tony Stark, and the room fell silent. 

All eyes turned to them, but she didn't notice, staring straight at him. "Tony." She said, and was almost surprised by the coldness of her voice. 

"Nat? I didn't know you were gonna be here. . ." Steve trailed off. 

"Natasha." Tony breathed yet again, eyes blown wide. She stared. And stared.

Her fists clenched, anger flashing in her eyes, in her face, and she finally did what she'd been wanting to do for nearly half her life. She threw the hardest right hook she could, and watched her ex crumple to the ground with a cry of pain. 

The silence was ringing. The redhead stepped around him, and she walked out the still open door. Not a single person called after her. 

And as she walked away, something in Natasha broke, her eyes filling with tears. Because when she was younger, all she'd ever wanted was for him to come back. But now? Now, it would only complicate things, and she resented him. Resented him so, so fucking much. 

He left her. Fifteen years ago, he left her to join the army, and he'd broken her entire heart. Fifteen years ago, he'd abandoned her, and the child he didn't know he had.


	2. Chapter 2

"Mom!" Peter was jumping over the back of the couch and sprinting up to her the second she entered the apartment, his arms open and face full of excitement. 

It was a sight Natasha wished she could see for the rest of her life. "Hey, маленький паук." The redhead greeted, a warm smile coloring her face as she accepted his hug and pressed a kiss to his hair. 

" _Mom_!" He exclaimed again, this time in a whining tone. "I'm not a spider." 

She smirked. "The Halloween pictures from when you were six say otherwise." He'd insisted that he had to be a spider, and had even crawled around for a while and had managed to pull himself off the ground a few inches in the doorway. 

It was the cutest thing she'd ever seen. "I was six, Mom." He pouted, sticking his bottom lip out in faux offense. 

Nat rolled her eyes as she walked to the island, dropping her purse on it. "Careful, a bird might poop on your lip." 

"That is literally impossible." Her teen said exasperatedly, hopping onto the counter and sticking his tongue out at her. 

"Sure. How was school?" The redhead asked, opening the fridge and searching for the yogurt she'd put in it last night. Her eyes narrowed on the spot it should've been. 

"School was great." Peter's voice was higher than normal, and she turned, pointing at him accusingly. 

"Yogurt thief!"

"No!" Peter denied, gasping, "Yogurt _borrower_." 

They both paused, and Natasha wrinkled her nose. "Oh God no. Please don't give it back."

He burst into giggles, and as much as she wanted to, she couldn't hide the grin that was tugging at her lips. "Mom!"

"Yes, I'm aware that's my name, don't wear it out." She replied, though if the smile on her face was any indication, hearing him call her Mom was one of the best parts of her day. 

"I can get you more yogurt?" He said questioningly once he'd finally managed to stop laughing. 

Nat waved the thought away. "Nah, it's fine," she told him, retrieving a spoon, "I've got this."

Grabbing out the tub of ice cream, she waved it in his face with a smirk. Peter gasped yet again. "Momma." He drawled, pouting for the millionth time as she stuck a spoonful of the chocolatey goodness in her mouth. 

"What was that?" She put a hand to her ear, tilting her head. 

He reached out, and in the most childish gesture she'd ever seen, did grabby hands at her. She laughed, loud and open. "Fine." Passing the spoon and tub to him, he quickly began to devour it. 

"Not so fast, Mr. Brown Eyes," Natasha warned, pulling out yet another spoon. He gave a sheepish grin and they both made their way over to the couch. 

As the redhead turned on the TV and pulled up Netflix, she heard Peter begin speaking again, this time through a mouth full of ice cream. "So, where were you today? I thought you had today off work."

She froze for a split second, honestly not having expected him to ask. "I was visiting Clint." It technically wasn't a lie. 

"What? No fair! Without me?" 

"You were at school, Mister." She bopped his nose, squinting at him. 

"But I haven't seen Uncle Clint in _forever_." 

"You saw him last week." 

"Like I said! Forever!"

Nat laughed just in time for a knock to sound at the door. "You're a dork. I've got it."

She put her unused spoon on the coffee table, a smile lingering on her face as she yanked the door open. "Hi-" 

The words froze in her mouth, and her heart dropped into her stomach. "Natasha." Tony breathed, managing a weak smile.

"You need to leave." She hissed, fully aware of her son on the couch, probably watching her back in confusion. 

"Can we talk, please? I know we had a bit of a rocky ending, but I want to explain some things." He pleaded. 

"No. Get out, Tony." Natasha demanded, her heart pounding in her chest. 

"Mom? Who is it?" Fuck. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._

"Nobody." She called back, her voice uneven. 

Tony frowned in front of her, trying to look behind her. "Mom? You have a kid?" 

"It's none of your business. Now, leave before I call the police." She was panicking now, had never intended for Tony and Peter to meet or even know the other existed. 

A stuttered, terrified breath left her as Peter padded up behind her, scowling. "Did this guy do something to you?"

If she weren't so beyond scared, she would've found the protectiveness in his voice adorable. "Wha- Nat? He looks- How old is he?" 

Her hands shaking, she tried to just slam the door shut, but he shoved his foot in the way, pushing it back open. 

"Why does my age matter, asshole?" Peter asked defensively, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"He's not- Get out, Stark." Natasha demanded, voice trembling. 

"I have a right to know, Romanoff. How old is he?" The man demanded, so many indecipherable emotions on his face. 

"I'm fifteen! Now leave my mom alone, you jerk!" 

The startled look on Tony's face confirmed all her fears. He knew. _He knew_. She slammed the door shut successfully this time, eyes wide and breaths shaky as she backed away from the door. 

Oh God, she felt sick. "Mom? Mom, are you okay?" Peter asked softly, biting his lip. 

"Fine," she choked out, turning around to lean her forehead against the wall.

"You don't seem fine." He whispered after a while, his voice small. 

"Peter. . ." 

He stuck himself to her side and wrapped his arms around her tightly. "Whoever that guy was, he must'a done something bad. You 'kay?" 

And she felt guilty. Because he was believing the best in her even when she'd kept him from his father his entire life. He'd never once mentioned the man, never asked questions, but she knew he wondered. 

She saw it in the way his face would fall on career day at school when he saw all the other students with a set of parents, but only her for him. She saw it in the way he spent Father's Day quietly at home, and in the way he looked at her when someone asked about his dad. 

Peter loved her, he loved her more than anything, Natasha had always known that, but if given the chance he'd love his dad too. 

"Pete, baby, you know that I've only ever had your best interests at heart?" She began softly, looking into his eyes. She was still scared, so unbelievably scared, but she'd made up her mind. 

His brows scrunched together. "Of course. Is everything okay?" 

"Peter, that man. . . His name is Tony Stark." All she got was a raised eyebrow at that. "And. . . he's your dad." 

She could've heard a pin drop.


	3. Chapter 3

"What?"

Peter's voice was low, shock ingrained in his every breath, and all Natasha could think at that moment was, how in the hell had he gotten their address?

"Peter. . . I'm so sorry I never told you about him." She whispered, breathing shakily and struggling not to let her voice break. 

The teen swallowed, eyes wide as he slid to the ground. Nat followed, her hand hovering over his arm for a moment before she dropped it to her side. What if he hated her for this? What if he couldn't forgive her? 

"What did he do?" 

Her head snapped up at that, and her brows creased. "What do you mean?"

Peter picked at the threads of his pants before finally dragging his eyes up to meet hers. "You've never mentioned him. I saw how you reacted just now, and how you've always reacted at the mention of my dad. So what did he do to you?" 

Natasha felt tears pricking her eyes once again, emotional in a way only he (and Tony) could ever make her. "He left me. I was going to tell him I was pregnant, and he told me that he was joining the army and he never wanted to see me again. So I didn't tell him, and I left." She explained simply, and tried to keep her breaths steady. 

"Then screw him." Peter spat, his features screwing up as anger took over his face. 

"Buddy. . ." Nat sighed, because now that Tony knew about Peter, he'd stop at nothing to get to know him, and the redhead was afraid of just how far he'd go to do that.

"What? He left you! He left us! He's an asshole and I don't want to see him." The boy ground out. 

And Natasha nodded. As long as that's what he wanted, she'd do everything in her power to keep Tony away from him. But, "If you ever change your mind, all you have to do is tell me, okay? I may hate him, but I won't keep you from him if you ever do want to meet him, alright?"

Peter smiled weakly. "I know, Mom." And then he was leaning forward and falling into her arms with a sigh. 

" _He doesn't deserve you."_ He mumbled in Russian into her shirt. 

" _No. No, he doesn't._ " She murmured right back.

* * *

"Why the hell did you give my address to Stark?" Nat growled, her hand clenched around the phone so tight she thought it might break. 

"How did you know it was me?" Clint responded, sounding surprised, and she could've strangled him with how angry she was. 

"You're the only one that knows it, you idiot!"

"Oh. Right. Look, Nat, I was going to tell you. Tonight, actually. I didn't think he was going to go, like, today." He told her, and a muscle ticked under her eye.

"That still doesn't explain why you told him! What the hell were you thinking? Do you know how hard that conversation was with Peter?" The redhead hissed, eying her door like speaking his name would suddenly summon him. 

"I thought he deserved a chance to explain himself to you!" Her friend cried, then paused. "He met Peter?"

Letting out a defeated sigh, Natasha ran her hand through her hair and slid to the ground, leaning against her bedroom door. 

"He saw him, asked how old he was. I slammed the door before he could ask more questions, but he knew, Clint. He knew, I could see it on his face." 

The man let out a sigh to rival hers. "How did the kid take it? He mad at you, or. . ?"

Nat shook her head despite knowing he couldn't see her. "After I explained everything, he was more angry at Tony than anything. He hates him, doesn't ever want to see him again." She told him, and biting her lip nervously, she told him something she never thought she'd say. "I think he deserves a chance."

"What? What happened to you never wanting Peter to even know he existed?" He responded, a shocked tinge to his voice. 

"It's different now, Clint. Because I can't make him un-meet him. I can't change the fact that they do know each other exist. And I hate Tony, I probably always will, but Peter deserves the chance to meet his dad." The redhead admitted, heaving yet another sigh. 

"He does deserve a chance," Clint agreed right away, "but if he doesn't want to right now, then don't force him. Maybe just sit down and talk with him, let him know that it will always be an option?" 

She began nodding slowly. "He doesn't want anything to do with him right now, and as long as that is true, I will do everything in my power to keep Tony away, to keep him from him. But the second Peter tells me he wants to meet him, I'll set it up." 

There was a moment where neither of them said anything, before Natasha spoke up again. 

"I'm scared, Clint." She whispered shakily, gripping the phone tightly.

"Of what?"

"Of Tony." Before he could ask why, she was speaking again. "I know what Tony's family was like. I know what they would have done if they found out I had his son. They would have taken him the moment he was born and I never would have even known him. They'd take my baby, Clint. Tony still could. With his money and connections, he could take my kid and there's nothing I could do."

As she spoke, tears rushed to her eyes, blurring her vision."Stark wouldn't do that to you, Nat. He was never like his parents, you know that."

"It's been fifteen years, Clint. How am I supposed to know anything about him anymore? And, he sure had no problem acting like Howard when he left me in the dust. How do I know it wasn't all an act?" Natasha argued, blinking back the salty droplets obscuring her eyesight. 

"Maybe he has changed, maybe he's just like his father now. Maybe he acted like him when he broke things off, but back then, he never would have done that to you. Never." Her friend told her with every ounce of confidence and sincerity he could muster. 

"How do you know?" She asked softly, sniffling slightly.

"Because, he loved you, Nat. He loved you more than anything in the world, and you loved him back. Nobody could fake the way he used to look at you." Clint explained quietly, his voice gentle. 

And if she believed anything, Natasha believed that. "I have to talk to him, don't I?"

"I'm afraid so, Nat-attack. You'll probably also need to have a conversation with Peter."

Nat dropped her head into her hand with a groan. "Any chance you could arrange Pete and I passage to Canada?"


	4. Chapter 4

"Hey, Bucky. I know I left suddenly the other day. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for a lot of things. But I want to start and try to make up for that. Could you come over? I'm going to text you my address."

Satisfied with the voicemail Natasha was leaving, she hung up and closed her eyes, running her hands through her hair. 

"Who was that?" 

Nat jolted, turning slightly from her position on the couch to look at her son standing in the doorway. 

"Come here, маленький паук," she sighed, her voice tired. 

Peter made his way hesitantly over to his mother, shuffling his feet. "Was it, um, him?"

She shook her head, pulling him close as he sat near her. "That was Bucky Barnes, kiddo. He's my. . . He's my brother." 

The boy's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "What?" He shook his head, stammering, "You have a brother? Why did you never tell me? I have and uncle? _What_?"

Natasha felt a pang of guilt stab at her heart, and she shifted so she was facing him. "There's a lot about my past that I haven't told you, Pete, but I'm going to start being more open about it. I promise you, I will tell you everything eventually, it's just going to take some time, okay?" The redhead explained, face full of desperation.

Slowly, Peter bit his lip and nodded. "I understand, Momma. Can you tell me about your brother?" 

Smiling, Nat nodded and leaned back. "His real name's James Buchanan Barnes, but he got the nickname Bucky in highschool and it stuck," she told him, grinning fondly. 

While the end of her time at school had been awful, she'd met her best friends there, she'd been truly happy there once. 

"How come you don't have the same last name? We're Romanoffs."

Natasha should have figured that would be one of the first things he'd notice. "I've never told you, have I?" She shook her head, a small smile gracing her lips. "I was adopted by the Barnes' when I was four. Bucky was six and absolutely determined to become my favorite person on the planet. It's harder to remember now, but when they first took me in, I was a total brat. Hated him." 

It was hard to imagine now, hating the man that had always been there for her, but it brought a find smile to her face as she recalled her childhood. "We may not be blood, but he's my family. And, if you're okay with it, and if he's okay with it, I'd like you to meet." 

Peter had a thoughtful look on his face and he was gnawing on his bottom lip for about a solid minute before he finally nodded. "He sounds like a cool dude. If he wants to meet me then I'm fine with it," he finally answered, giving her a small smile. 

She grinned. "He'll definitely want to meet you, Pete." 

He leaned into her side to give her yet another hug. "And Mom?" He asked, muffled by her shirt. 

"Yes?"

"It's okay that you didn't tell me. Sounds like you had a sucky life before I can around."

Running her hand through his curls, her lips formed into a small smile. "Yeah, I did." Natasha whispered, and for once, she didn't know if it was a lie. 

* * *

Later, when Peter had went to his friend's house to give her time with her brother, a knock sounded at the door. 

"Nat?" Bucky's questioning voice found her ears easily enough and she stood from the couch she'd been sitting on more or less the entire day, and she padded over to the door. 

Opening it, she found her brother staring right back at her. "Hey, Buck." She greeted softly, and he smiled, pulling her in for a tight hug. 

She sure was getting hugged a lot lately. "You finally ready to reveal to me your deepest secrets? A hidden husband? Or wife, I don't judge." 

The redhead smirked, stepping out of the way and letting him enter. "Sadly, no." 

"Admit it, you haven't been with anyone since you-know-who." He teased as she closed the door, and she ignored the pang of hurt stabbing at her heart at the mention of him. 

"Okay, I really think I'd remember fucking Voldemort." 

Bucky barked out a laugh, looking around her apartment. "And I have been with someone, actually. She and I decided we were better as friends," Nat told him, a fond smile adorning her lips at the mention of her close friend, Wanda. 

"So, uh, we should probably talk, huh?" He nudged, turning back to her. She noticed that his eyes lingered on a few abandoned pieces of Legos on the island in the kitchen. 

"Yeah, we should. Drink?" Natasha gestured to the kitchen, and he nodded, walking over to lean against the dark marble surface. 

Within a few moments, she'd grabbed out two glasses and was pouring a bit of gin for them. "So, what happened after I left the other day?" 

He grimaced, bringing the drink to his lips. "Tony spluttered for a bit, then left all flustered, and we all just talked for a bit. Got to know Steve and Sam's new army friends, Val and Peggy. Those ladies scare me, they're almost at your level, Natalia." 

Bristling at hearing her birth name, she glared. "You should be scared of me, James." The woman warned, raising a brow as she swirled her glass around. 

He held his ground, narrowing his eyes. "Why'd you call me here, Natasha? Why. . . Why'd you even come? You made it clear that you don't want to be around." 

She actually flinched, puting the gun down with a frown. "It's not that I didn't want to be around, Bucky," Nat argued, her voice almost desperate. 

"Then why weren't you? Why did you leave and not look back? We missed you, _I_ missed you." Bucky looked down at the gleaming metal of his hand before glancing back up at her. "Did you even think about how we'd all feel in your absence? We got no explanation, you were just gone."

Natasha could only blink at him, an ache building in her chest. She'd never realized how they'd feel, how hurt they'd be. It struck her like a knife to her heart that she did exactly what Tony had done to her, but worse. She didn't even tell them she was leaving, she just disappeared. 

"Bucky," her voice cracked, and she couldn't help the tears that stung her eyes and wetted her lashes.

Just like always, his resolve fell when he saw her face crumpling. "Nat. . ."

"I'm sorry, Bucky, I'm so sorry. I wasn't thinking about-" A shuddering breath wracked her body and she held back a sob. 

Heartbreak took over his features and he sighed, grabbing her hands. "You were thinking about them, weren't you?" Bucky nodded toward the Legos, and she stiffened. 

Sucking in a sharp breath, she nodded. "His name is Peter, and he's fifteen. He's really excited to meet his Uncle Bucky." Natasha told him, a shaky smile finding its way into her face.

He huffed out a laugh, running his hand down his face. "Jesus, Nat-attack."

She pulled away and smacked him on the arm playfully. "Not you too," she whined, sticking her bottom lip out in a pout. 

"Oh come on, you didn't think that nickname was ever going away, did you?" 

Natasha sighed, and she allowed herself to just look at her brother with a soft smile. "I've missed you more than words can describe, James." 

The corner of his lips tilted upward. "I've missed you too, Nat. Now, let's talk." 

Leaving their glasses on the counter, Natasha led him over to her couch and they sat down. 

"I don't think any of us really knew what happened between you and Tony back then. All we knew was that it ended, and neither of you looked back."

His words made her since slightly, and she wrung her hands in her lap. It wasn't true. If she knew anything, she knew that wasn't true. She'd looked back too many times to count. 

She had looked to her phone, hoping he'd call her or text her. Every knock at her door, she hoped was him coming back to apologize. 

Every single second of every single day, she had wanted him back. "I did."

He met her eyes, puzzled. 

"I looked back." Her voice broke once again, and she fought not to start crying, breathing deeply. 

"I just wanted to talk to him one last time. To hear his voice and hear the way he said 'hello' when he picked up the phone." Natasha said, shrugging weakly. 

"I wanted to hear him say he loved me and that these last few years had been hard for him too. I wanted him to say he missed me and he wanted to come back." She lost her battle at holding back tears, and they streaked down her cheeks, Bucky grabbing her hand with a devastated look on his face. 

"I was fucking ridiculous for feeling like that, but I couldn't let him go. I loved him, James." A gasping cry left her, and she squeezed his hands in hers. "I love him, and I hate myself for it."

Bucky didn't say anything, just gathered her in his arms and held her as tightly as he could. 

"I love him," she repeated, blinking through the tears that just kept coming. 

"I love him." She admitted the one thing she'd been denying to herself for years.


End file.
